either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He? As in you personified your dick?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
