I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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