Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
