it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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