So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
