i just had sex bonerless
what day is it and did you see me today?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
