why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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