I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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