woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
