dude i'm inner monologue high
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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