hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
