I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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