Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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