I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
