why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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