I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
