I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if only i could text you this smell
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
