Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
