If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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