It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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