she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I want a musical about memes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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