shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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