I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
