I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
