I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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