i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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