If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
