i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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