Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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