Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
