did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
