remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
