there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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