You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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