You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
