we have pet lesbian snakes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
