New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ttyl tear gas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
