there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
