Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
