I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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