Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
