this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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