you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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