Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
