I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
