Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
