i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
