I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
