On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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