I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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