before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
