So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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