i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
