sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
