At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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