Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
