I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
