could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
