He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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