Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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