just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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