If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Please don't give away my fajitas
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
