so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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