i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
