just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
