Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
