wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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