He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
