i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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