covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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