You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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