If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
