reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
