He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
