By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
