I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
