dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
