the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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