My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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