As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
