I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
