3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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