well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
